Up until recently I thought I knew everything there was to know about love. To go from having that perfect fairy tale love to everything just ending in disaster. Ive never been married, I admire the idea of marriage. I admire the concept of having children and growing old together, a love that lasts forever. To go from being madly and deeply in love to just hating the very person that once made the nightmares go away. I ended my almost three year relationship with the man i thought i would grow old with. But unfortunately fate had other plans, he has his family with someone else. Its not easy when you're the only one going through it alone. Yes you have your family and friends but only you know how you really felt about that person. People can only share the experience and advice and they can only go so far with it so in the end they tell you, you need to move and get over it. But none of that is easy. For awhile there was nothing out there that was speaking to me, giving me some kind of guidance. So i spent my nights crying in my room to myself, i also spent days screaming at the world and showing the whole world the bitter side of me a side that I'm going to admit I'm not very proud of. And then one fateful night i see this movie. No this wasn't a mirror this was a mirror, i was watching myself on the big screen, i just happened to be a white divorced woman in her mid 30s. But with that said i sat there and i watched myself, and i thought maybe if i take time to myself Ive never really been single never really had the chance to enjoy it. I started to feel this sudden urge to want to see what it feels like to love myself experience and enjoy life you only live once and why not. Its going to be very hard, and sometimes even painful. I'm going to want to give into the temptation of giving up. I'm going to give into the demons of not forgiving him and myself. Because its not hard to be upset and control your feelings. I'm very afraid of loving someone else to do it again will take more than just a new look on life. But with that said i think i will take some time for me and maybe, no i will visit a few extraordinary places in the world and i will eat, i will pray and hopefully eventually i will love......
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